I really thought I was down for the count after all the physical stuff I went through the last couple of years. The climb up the ropes of the ring is still on going and it isnt an easy one. There are many sacrifices and though I have a clear view of why they are neccesary Some things still make me sorta sad.
Like, Its hard to look anything or anyone in the eye and try to explain why you dont feel like making the party scene or a swanky dinner because you can barely make putting on your same baby chasing park pants every day and cant afford to hire a sitter just so you can have an hour to dress and put on make up. Other parents, Moms, juggle so well, they make things like mani pedi’s, and ‘me time’, social time , a priority but I havent figured out how to do that all just yet. So, the invitations to non family things mostly stop coming and life moves on. But, on the flip side, new friends have been made, families have been brought together and I love that world. Mark and I had many years to be selfish, to have things just for ourselves and we were ready for a shift in focus, I was just naive to how much really changes.
As far as working, there are many great things happening and I am struggling to live up to the oppurtunities that are coming my way. I think in life, you rarely get every aspect running perfectly at the same time. Your job may be awesome but your love life sucks or you may be unhappy about your appearance but getting A’s in school. It is a balance thing and it actually helps keep us grounded I think.
Its more like a puzzle now, finding time, working out each day but I am so lucky to be a part of Ella’s day to day world and to show her a bit of my world too.
Lots to work on but I am happy to get up and fight for it all.