Author Archives: melodymooney
Don’t be a Stranger in your own life
So last year at this time I wrote about my Weirdo bells palsy , frozen face adventures! I recall then kinda laughing at how I thought I had ‘stroked out’ and I was afraid to tell Mark when it happened. Well…. I had an MRI in November and got the news before Christmas from my neurologist that I in fact Did have a stroke. I think I was holding Ella who was melting down from teething and Lola was barking at something and I took the news with the attention I could give at the time which wasn’t much. Time passed and demands never let up so I kept telling myself I will deal with this later. I couldn’t melt down, I had to keep my Shit together. Those luxuries * so I thought* were reserved for those who had time , resources, support staff to wallow. The truth is, if ya don’t deal with crap, it will catch up with you and kick your ass. That is where I am now.
Yes, I have Been slowly following up, had tests to figure out why it happened but nothing has turned up. I am on Baby asprin every day and suffering some physical side effects like a frozen feeling on that right side of my face when I get tired, pain in my limbs and my.teeth, Lord that is a whole nother post… Truly the scarier stuff is the neurological side effects. I found a list that another stroke sufferer made 16 months after it happened and I match about 98 % of it. Here is the list, I didn’t write it, it is another patients experience but closely mirrors my own.
Effects of a stroke:
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> Bear in mind that a stroke causes damage to the brain so side effects are extremely diverse and can include any of the following list (and probably more). If you know a stroke survivor, please try to be very patient and understanding with them – they are recovering from a brain injury and the brain can take a long time to repair and re-wire.
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> A change of personality, for instance a survivor may completely lose their sense of humour.
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> Extreme fatigue (I wanted and needed an afternoon sleep for months afterwards – totally unlike the ‘me’ of pre-stroke).
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> Mental fogginess and forgetfulness. (In my case, it took 16 months to feel long periods of mental clarity).
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> Heightened emotions – to cry and laugh more easily and to sometimes even exhibit a mixture of both in the space of a few seconds. Sometimes exhibiting inappropriate reactions.
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> Shortened attention span, an inability to plan and learn new tasks. Difficulty in understanding spoken or written language.
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> Depression and all of the classic side effects that in itself brings, like disturbed sleep patterns.
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> Feelings of fear and anxiety (not surprisingly).
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> Facial paralysis (often on the right hand side). This contributes towards:
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> Difficulty in speaking. Paralysis in the muscles of the face and neck may leave you slurring your words and sounding very different.
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> As if simply getting the words out wasn’t difficult enough, you may inexplicably utter completely the wrong word, phrase or sentence when you were thinking something else entirely. (I, for instance, remember being in hospital and asking for ‘mushroom’. I even surprised myself because that wasn’t what I was thinking of at all.)
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> Difficulty in swallowing. The same weakness and/or paralysis that leads to problems in speech can actually cause the even more serious problem of an affected swallow reflex.
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> Paralysis of half the body (often the right), known as hemiplegia. This causes difficulty with all physical activities such as walking, dressing, eating and using the bathroom.
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> Loss of muscle control. The effect on me was that the right side of my body ‘curled in on itself’ in an almost foetal way.
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> Loss of the ability to balance.
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> Epileptic fits.
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> Slowed reactions in the effected part of the body.
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> Numbness in the effected limbs.
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> Chronic pain resulting from damage to the nervous system. Sometimes sensations of prickling in affected limbs. Often the immobilized state of limbs leads to painful ‘frozen joints’. (In my case drugs did nothing to alleviate pain, instead I found that visits to a chiropractor seemed to make a difference).
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> Incontinence, loss of bowel control or constipation.
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> Disruption of the menstrual cycle, often a complete cessation of periods.
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The absolute worst was loosing my dam sense of humor. I new this had happened but attributed it to sleep depervation – which I am sure didn’t help + being a new Mom. The loss of this really sent me in a tail spin. I kept wondering if every.New Mom felt so ‘different’ and so changed. My personal MOTO for most my adult life has been ‘don’t be a stranger in your own life’. I was a stranger and I didn’t like thus new me. Being a Mom felt amazing but not connecting the new with the normal was very overwhelming And I could only focus on doing my best for Ella. Come to find out another side effect was me loosing my multi tasking mojo. I also lost my compare and contrast abilities. Just this week in finalizing taxes * yup, very late, I know* . I was trying to look at 2010, 2011 and couldn’t hold both in my mind. It was scary but I kept at that kinda thinking and its getting better. Also, I can’t watch TV, surf the web and hold a conversation like I used to. I simply won’t hear Mark unless I give him full attention. That is weird and new but maybe slowing down, paying close undivided attention is a good thing.
It is getting better, I am laughing more, taking things more in stride, crying, getting super frustrated less. I debated not sharing this but I have been pretty open through our pregnancy, New days as parents so it feels right to keep it real.
I apologize if I made anyone worry , sorry if posts, updates were angry sounding, sorry I havent been there both physically and emotionally for my loved ones.
The stranger is leaving and I am back in my life.
Ella Rose at 5 months!
Loves to talk endlessly in her own language, hang out with her best friend Tilly the Cat and visit Daddy at his work!
Mommy pirate!
Ok this is kinda funny.. well not really but I thought so. I woke up this morning with the right side of my face paralyzed. First there was the metallic taste in my mouth, well backing up, first last night I had one of those eye twitching things, a big one. I shrugged it off to sleep depervation. Then this morning I also noticed something up with my eye, it would not blink, then I smiled and only my left side of my mouth worked. I was scared to tell Mark, maybe I stroked out in the night? Well, I told him and he went hunting for an explination online. We narrowed it down by the symptoms to bell http://www.m.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/tc/bells-palsy-topic-overview palsy. That sounds scary but is just a virus, same one as a cancker sore but this goes after the muscles in your face. I could still, with effort make some movements, which is good news and means no permanent damage is likely. Saw the Dr., he confirmed with one look at my face and put me on steroids and a anti viral. Both check out ok for Breastfeeding but I am confirming first with my lactationist tomorrow. I also was told I should wear an eye patch to bed since my eye doesn’t stay shut but none of the medical ones were cool enough so Mark rounded me up some pirate ones and this heart patch. That smile in the picture is my real crooked pirate smile for now. All should be better in a few weeks. Gotta try to sleep more and not get dehydrated and boost my immune system. After all, that be wee ones to tend to!
In all honesty, I am feeling fine, just a few things like a watery eye and a little trouble with eating. I swear, life she be funny!
Before I was a Mom
Thanks to Evelyn, Grandma. Cronan for sharing this. Xo
Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn’t worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn’t want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn’t stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom,
I didn’t know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn’t know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn’t know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn’t know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom
Give a little bit
I was thinking today about how much negative crap is out there on the internet and in the world in general. It seems like tearing things down and dumping on people has become so excepted we don’t even notice it is happening any more.
OK, true, I like some of the dry, sharp edge comedy just as much as the next person but I challenge you to think twice before saying or posting something negative or in the very least if you are gonna snark, take the time to balance it out by putting something positive back into the universe.
Look, we all have down days, we all feel insecure from time to time and throw fancy little pity parties… that is life! Even when you may be struggling with generosity of spirit, try… it’s not that hard to give a little…
Lately I have been trying to be better about both work and personal situations and really thinking about how I should react. Taking a minute and not just dog piling more crap on to someone when there is a rough spot but instead showing understanding, offering help, thinking bigger than the moment. Who knows what is really going on in their life and maybe your small gesture or kind word will make the difference.
Be Super
There are moments in life where you feel yourself being pulled into situations that you know you are better than. Smile, rise above and ask yourself what would the Superhero version of you would do!
The B word
I am always searching for balance. It is harder than it sounds and takes courage to stop, say no, unplug and create space. On the flip side it is important to stay engaged and nurture relationships. Being consumed by anything is dangerous. Balance balance balance. 
and here we go!
Comic Con planning is in full swing! As in every aspect of life, the key is balance. Trying to be more social this year & feel less harassed while also keep Mark to his schedule and deadlines.
Two events I am planning on attending so far are:
Join the biggest Geek Tweet-Up event of all time on Friday, July 23rd from 8pm-11pm at Jolt ‘N Joes (Gaslamp location) in San Diego. Hosted by @geekgirls, @thenerdybird, and @geekgirldiva, this Tweet-Up is sure to be even bigger and better than NYC!
Saturday, July 24, 2010 from 3:00 PM – 7:30 PM (PT)
THE BRISTOL HOTEL
‘City Scene’ Conference Room (2nd floor)
1055 First Avenue
San Diego, CA 92101
In celebration of scifi/horror/fantasy/gaming web series and the genre fans that will converge on San Diego during Comic Con, web series multi-hyphenates Stephanie Thorpe, Taryn O’Neill and Jenni Powell, in conjunction with Kim Evey and Jenni Powell’s Celebrate the Web, present Celebrate the Web: San Diego!
If you are a web series fan looking to attend an event where creators and talent of some of your favorite online series will be gathered to discuss their creations and mingle, this is for you! .
The event will be a live-streamed forum with genre web content creators and talent. There will be two separate forums: Scifi/Horror and Fantasy/Gaming, each with a moderated discussion, a Q&A; section, and of course exclusive videos. There will also be a pre-reception and a post mixer…all to celebrate the growing online community.
The Forum will included creators and talent from the following shows:
Universal Dead, Continuum, Riese, After Judgment, GOLD: Night of the Zombie King, A Good Knight’s Quest, The Mercury Men, I<3 Vampires, Chick, Vamped Out and The Jeff Lewis 5 Minute Comedy Hour.
The pre-reception starts at 3pm and the 1st panel begins promptly at 4:15pm.
A cocktail mixer (drink & appetizer specials/ cash bar) will begin after the 2nd panel has ended, around 6:30pm.
Admittance is by RSVP only!
For More Information head to the official Celebrate the Web site or contact celebratetheweb@gmail.com
See you in San Diego!
